A perpetual tragi-comedy in one act
Vladimir and Estragon are hanging around, having a chat…
Vlad-“If only my Mother could see me now”
Est – “Why?”
V-“Because the road to hell is paved with good intentions”
E-“That’s deep”
V-“Not really, it’s just because you’re an ill-educated oaf”
E-“Well, we don’t all have contacts in high places, mate”
V-“Hah! That’s typical of the working classes, never do anything but complain and wait for a handout”
E-“I saw your Mother the other day”
V-“No you didn’t”
E-“I fucking did mate, larger than life and just as ugly”
V-“It’s too much for one man”
E-“Huh?”
V-“There’s nothing to be done”
E-“I think you need a lie down”
V-“One daren’t even laugh any more”
E-“What’s so funny?”
V-“Don’t you find humour in the agony of it all?
E-“What, you mean laughing at our meaningless existence and the miserable realisation that this is all there is?”
V-“No. I was talking about your boots being too small”
E-“You’re not helping”
V-“I’m glad you think so. I wonder where he is?”
E-“What do you expect? Anyway, it’s not the boots, it’s the feet”
V-“I don’t want to know the details. We might be here forever”
E-“That’s existentialism. Nothing lasts forever”
V-“Christ almighty, how much longer?”
E-“How’s your Mother?”
V-“There’s nothing to be done”
E-“I’m glad to hear it. All’s well that ends well”
V-“How about hanging ourselves?”
E-“Not now, wait until dark”
V-“Well, take it or leave it”
E-“It’s gone, we do it wrong, offering nought but violence”
V-“Must be getting late”
E-“Why?”
V-“Better late than never”
E-“There’s nothing to be done”
V-“Shall we go?”
E-“I saw this bloke the other day, charming sort of fella”
V-“Was it your Mother?”
E-“I don’t think so, I would have remembered that”
V-“What’s the time?”
E-“Later than you think”
V-“Better late than never”
E-“But it’s now or never”
V-“Then never”
E-“Do you realise that nothing has ever happened”
V-“And it has happened more than once”
E-“I can’t understand where it went”
V-“Exactly”
E-“Well, you can’t have everything, where would you put it all?”
V-“I’d put it in the bank, it would be safer than keeping it under the bed”
E-“The bank? The bank, you say? I wouldn’t give the bank the time of day”
V-“They probably have their own clocks”
E-“How can you trust a place that has it’s own clocks, for Christ’s sake! Never put your trust in someone else’s time”
V-“I see what you mean”
E-“What do I mean?”
V-“I’m sure I don’t know. Better safe than sorry”
E-“There you are, now you get it. You give ’em everything and the bastards lock it away in a safe and then you have to pay the fuckers to get it back again”
V-“It’s a good business model”
E-“Why didn’t we think of it?”
V-“Because you’re an ill-educated oaf”
E-“That may be true and many people would agree with you. What’s your excuse?”
V-“My Mother wanted me to learn a trade”
E-“I remember. Your mother was a hard bitch”
V-“Do you remember where we went wrong?”
E-“Probably not, that’s why I’m standing here with you in the middle of nowhere discussing it”
V-“It could be worse”
E-“It’s always worse than it was before. Remember when we had it all?”
V-“We should never have put it in that bank”
E-“They’ve probably spent it all by now, it was so long ago”
V-“No use worrying about it now. At least it wasn’t lost completely, that would have been a terrible waste”
E-“That’s very Christian of you”
V-“It’s the least I can do in the circumstances”
E-“May God forgive you”
V-“Amen”
Curtain.
