Fukty Fyno

The Oracle

“There is a dark inscrutable workmanship that reconciles discordant elements and makes them cling together in one society.” William Wordsworth,The Prelude

For today’s lesson I thought I might hold forth on subjects that may, or may not, be amusing. People sometimes ask me for my opinion, sometimes I offer them unsolicited. Here’s an opinion. Or two.

The human race is doomed. Always has been, right from the start. One day, all life on earth will be extinguised and the planet will be roasted into a small brown rock when the sun begins to run out of hydrogen and expands into a red giant. You only have a few billion years left to get your shit together.

There is no escape from the finality of death. The biggest cause of death is birth. Live with that knowledge. We are all dying, it is the reason why we live. There is no other meaning to life, there is only the certainty of death. So don’t waste your time looking for it, because by the time you think you’ve divined the meaning, Thanatos and his mate on a pale horse will be kicking your door down and carting you off to Charon’s ferry. It is a sobering thought, n’est pa?

Having now accepted your fate, it is time to reflect upon your options. What should one do when one realises that one is not immortal after all? Should one rail at the Gods with clenched fists and gnashing teeth? Hmmm. Probably a waste of time. Just remember, every second that ticks away brings you and Hades a little closer. Try to be a little more positive, after all, there’s a big world out there to be discovered and many things to be done. Remind yourself that this is not a dress rehearsal for the main performance. In fact, stop reading this drivel and do something more interesting, life is too short to spend time reading other people’s random thoughts.

If, on the other hand, you really like reading stuff like this, then hang around, have a read of all my fabulous posts and laugh at my risible rantings. Speaking of which…

I often see preposterous examples of Forest Gump philosophy on instagram and Facebook. Stuff like “Life is like a boomerang, if you do good to others, good things will come back to you”. Somebody actually said this, can you believe it? However, a real boomerang was not designed for good things and furthermore, it does NOT come back if used correctly. It is a heavy bent stick that aborigines hurl at animals, with malice aforethought. There is a dearth of supermarkets in the outback, so if you want to eat, you kill something. The intention of the boomerang hurler is to kill an animal in order to feed his family. If a boomerang hits the kangaroo, the koala or the ostrich it don’t come back, unlike the dead animal which comes back to the village cooking pot. If the boomerang does come back, it is a sign of failure and a harbinger of doom, signalling possible starvation for the aboriginal family. Thus, the last thing the aborigine hunter wants to see is his boomerang returning empty-handed. So, the crackerbarrel philosophy is predicated on a pathetic lack of intelligence and knowledge of aboriginal hunting weapons and is aimed at half-wits with an emotional intellect that a fly would be ashamed of.

Furthermore, I’ve had enough of whining bastards and pitiful mewling turds, as well as diversity and all the rest of that bullshit nonsense. Diversity is just an iniquitous mechanism used to install undeserving people into jobs and positions of influence because they – or their particular characteristics – are believed to be under-represented and thus at a disadvantage. So, in other words, they get the job to fulfill a quota, not because they are the best person for the job. The only disadvantaged people here are those with far superior skills and abililties but who are the wrong colour, sex or race. This is not an excercise in diversity, it is an excercise is social engineering designed by those who cannot win power by plebiscite but have wormed their way inside the body of the host and are now eating it, rather like the larva of the parasitic wasp. What these hateful idiots fail to grasp is that once the body of the host is devoured, they will have nothing left to feed on and will perish because these parasites create nothing, the only thing they produce is words. As the wise man said, you can eat your words but they won’t nourish you. I hope they all perish before western culture is but a vague memory.

And then there are the meek who think that everyone should be nice to each other and never say horrid things. They are the Fotherington-Thomases of the world. To quote the legendary Nigel Molesworth, heroic stalwart of the heinous bastion of education known as St Custard’s: “they are wet and play with dollies”. I don’t care how sad your life is, I don’t care that you have no friends, I don’t give a dancing shit if you get upset or offended or cry because something doesn’t go your way or that you burst into tears when your favourite shoes get wet or your dog gets run over by a bus. I don’t care if you feel like jumping off the roof – in fact, I’ll be happy to assist you on your way to oblivion, you snivelling wretch. Jump you fucker, jump!

Right. Now I’ve got that off my scrawny chest, here’s a bit of my philosophy: You can sit with a monkey for a thousand years expaining Einstein’s theory of relativity, but after a thousand years it will still be a monkey.


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